My Battle With Depression.

Depression has been defined as a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest leading to a change in behaviour and mood of those struggling with it. Currently, youth and midlife adults are most affected by the illness. The reasons causing depression are numerous and I know too well the darkness and hopelessness this illness can bring. I have been a victim for many years on and off, I stopped counting. 

What really causes depression, strained family relationships, rape, sickness and violence have been listed often as the main reasons. Now let's candidly talk about rape, I was a rape victim at just the age of 10 at the time my parents were away and I had no choice but to stay at my uncle’s place for quite some time.

I remember vividly the first encounter, I had just showered and making my way to the bedroom there he was, my own uncle, staring lustfully at me and with a gun aimed at me and so it happened. I lost a lot of blood, and got sick, but with the death threats I suffered in silence. The experience that went on for 4 years totally and completely wrecked my mental well-being.

For the effects, let's just say they are long-lasting, as a young adult, I had no interest in having a boyfriend like the rest of my peers and this raised a lot of concern about the people I interacted with.  In my eyes all men were barbarians and I could not imagine reliving those painful years.

I also became suicidal and attempted it more than 10 times but here I am, looks like my time is not up. At just 16, the pain of defilement sunk me deeper into depression and I got addicted to bhang, cocaine, excessive alcohol, nicotine, and tobacco just to name a few.  The drug addiction soon became very apparent and after I was caught in possession of drugs in school I was rushed to rehab. For 10 months I was in a rehabilitation centre focused on getting my life together.

With the help of a therapist I went public with the ordeal and that’s when my parents realized the pain their absence had caused me, though it’s working progress they can’t help but feel responsible.

They wanted to take legal action but at the time my uncle had fled from the country and there was really no case when the alleged perpetrator is missing. I fell deeper into depression because it was a painful reality that I could not be accorded justice after all that I went through.

I have fought depression to date and what helps me get by is writing journals, screaming at empty spaces like Ngong hills, and crying my heart out when the sadness lingers but most importantly, I have learned that prayer is a great remedy. 

With that said, depression is a battle that can be won, let's not lose people to this raging illness, one person’s death is one too many. If you’re feeling sad and hopeless, get someone to talk to and speak up when experiencing abuse. I live to fight another day